What is a ‘principle’ and how does it affect our outcome and ultimate success?

Principle:

1-A fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system or belief or behavior or a chain of reasoning used as a rule to govern one’s behavior.



Many like to think that a technique is what guides us on this journey, or makes what we do ‘natural’ but it is not. Techniques are just a facilitator of our principles to help us achieve our goals. In the parelli system, those techniques and principles were chosen for us, but they are not unique to parelli. Having principles, adhered to and revered as absolute truths, is what lets us know if you are on the right track. Too often, students (of any method) get far to hung up on ‘perfection’ of a task or technique and the principles get lost in the fog. And I often wonder why. This is as common place at the highest of levels as it is at the lowest of levels. The FEI is one of the most notable to let the mebers of their group completely ignore the ‘principles’ and now Dressage is so far away from where it started…yet their own rules never changed……and to make up for it, our perception and definition of the ‘principles’ has become so distorted, we cannot even recognize them when we see them….Such as the principle of having ‘the poll as the highest point’…..it is a rare few individuals who can even recognize what it looks like. Most people ‘think’ they have it, and they could not be farther than the truth.

I have been studying French Classical Dressage lately, and the more I get into it, the clearer the connection between Dressage and NH becomes, most specifically Baucherism….though one does NOT automatically equal the other. (Baucherism is a method discovered and developed by Francois Baucher in the mid 1800’s after he studied François Robichon de La Guérinière’s work from the early 1700’s) In all systems, we usually have a relatively lengthy list of ‘principles’….but when you get to the heart of the matter there are usually only a select few that are highly regarded…and usually only one, maybe two, that are thought of as the “holy grail”…..that usually, if adhered to at all times, it will keep you out of trouble and make your road to success a short one. And usually you can say this about them,

“It matters not what technique you use, what style you ride, so long as you do nothing to lose (principle) and do everything to gain (principle)….you will always be on the road to success”

So I thought I would make a list of principles for myself, since I have been reminded by a book I am reading, just what MY holy grail is, and my lack of adherence has caused me great struggles in my pursuit of my own perfection. Obviously the ‘goal’ is improvement in tangible skills, but really those skills are a facilitator to a higher level of conceptuality and philosophical understanding of the principles….which then garner even greater skills…and so on and so on, repeating the cycle in a never ending circle of self improvement. There is a rule that states, if something applies in every situation than it is a RULE, if it does not, then it is a TOOL.

So here is my list of principles that state I can do anything I want so long as I have, create or do not destroy the following….

1. Relaxation (both physical AND mental/emotional) Front to Back

2. The relationship comes first

3. Never use force, be it physical or mental~ includes: Don’t act like a predator, don’t be direct line, Patience BEFORE justice(long phase one)

4. Lightness and Feel~ includes: Release of the aids, no micro management, Timing the aids at the moment when the horse can optimally comply

5. Hands w/out legs, Legs w/out hands

6. Poll the highest point (except when stretching down) & Nose in-front of the vertical, Back not Hollow

7. Keep the rhythm pure

8. Straightness

Principles I used to use that I no longer use, use sparingly, or only use in a safety situation, and why.

1. “The attitude of justice is effective.” It may be effective but it can be harmful physically if misunderstood and also because it can destroy relaxation, relationship, and rhythm and often eventually involves force.

2. “Immobile Neutral on a circle.” Too much mayhem goes on that is not seen by way of not watching the horse, and it pulls me away from many of the above principles that are FAR more important to me.

For now I think that is about it. Should I come across any more I will update this.

I think if more people put relaxation at the top of their list, they would avert many problems. It needs to be the first thing you get, such as when you first approach your horse, do not do things in that approach that cause him to become tense, as you begin your session, again, do not CAUSE tension…..then your first goal is to reduce and remove what ever tension he had there to begin with. Then you can move on to the days lesson, again not CAUSING tension with any of your requests. Should your request be met with tension….stop…find out what caused it and fix it before moving on. Was he not prepared for your request, was it too demanding due to his level of skill and understanding, did you ask too abruptly or strongly, did you ask at a moment he could not possibly respond correctly, was he distracted….etc….

Relaxation does not mean dead btw. It doesn’t mean create a mindless plug. He should still be alert, sensitive and responsive…..but FREE from tension, both physical and mental.

So these are my thoughts on this rainy day

Savvy On

Michelle

Happy 300th Post! Celebrate with me!

Well....I did it....300 posts!  I can hardly believe I had THAT much to say....oh who are we kidding here.....I blabber on about everything don't I?  I had a nice ride with my friend today....short but sweet.  Nice open areas and Rose was a dream boat.  My horsemanship was spectacular today!  I got to use my old dressage reins I was talking about.....man that was so refreshing.  Honestly, I much prefer the weightless feeling of them compared to the rope reins.  It was crystal clear when I had made contact....and glaringly obvious when I had lost the contact.  Which for my finesse riding is exactly what I was looking for.  As for riding with them freestyle....just as good for that too.  And just look at how ravishingly gorgeous she looks in my Stubben Bridle.  Who couldn't love a face like that?  


So lets see, I started this blog over 2 n half years ago, inspired by the movie "Julie and Julia" I left the theater and came home with the intention of doing ALL the Parelli levels tasks, level 1-4......in a year.  Unlike the movie, I failed miserably.  Lots of things got in the way of my goal, but my journey took many unsuspecting turns and twists, and thus so did my blog.  I have reviewed close to 60 horse dvd's, but 8 or so are still in draft mode waiting for me to finish them.  Those dvd's alone have changed my life and journey in so many ways, as well as the books I am reading, that I cannot find the words sometimes to express it.  When I started my blog, I was still VERY paralyzed from my fears and still in a dreadful amount of pain from the car accident.  I was still going thru a pre ride ritual, that involved cigarettes and mediation, and then I still had fear issues while riding.  As of today, I am fear free, I just hop on and ride.  And I hope to get the cantering thing tackled this summer.  


Over the last few years, my relationship with Rose hit some really low LOWS.....and my relationship with Cha'cote hit some really high HIGHS.  I have saved the lives of quite a few horses and a few dogs too.  I have gained a few pounds, lost a few, and found them again....ugh.  Been thru hell and back in my personal life and survived.  I've lost some friends and made some new ones.  And generally am doing alright.  I got to conduct a huge social experiment, in where during a dark time for Parelli, the infamous Catwalk incident, I chose to take a drastically different "online" path than all of my friends, and opened up some wonderful dialog with parelli haters world wide. (click here) to read the thread, but I must tell you, it is long and pointless if you don't read the whole thing.  I just wanted to prove that there is a way to talk to people and a way not to talk to people.  That there doesn't have to be an "us" and a "them".  We don't have to be at war with people who don't do parelli or anyone for that matter, just because we are different. So, anonymously I started a thread under the aka screen name 'tongue~n~cheek', and posted an offer to people who don't do parelli, to ask legitimate non 'anti hate' questions about parelli....and i would honestly answer those questions with OUT cramming parelli down their throats or making them feel inferior for not doing parelli. In the end I think I answered over 200 questions and another 200 private messages.  It took me 5 long weeks of only 3-4 hrs of sleep a day to accomplish it.  It started off rough, but in the end, I made alot of friends world wide and not a one of them was a parelli person. Just goes to show, when you open your heart before your mouth, wonderful things can happen.  Linda Parelli herself read the thread and was impressed, and while she and I were talking about it, she mentioned that while Pat was reviewing my audition he remarked about me "you can see she has the savvy".  Speaking of auditions, during this blogging time I officially passed 5 auditions. Woo Hoo!  While it is not 'official' I am a L4 grad, and hope to someday make it official, though it is no longer at the top of the list of High Priority anymore.  Probably the best of all, is my new found interest in French Classical dressage because although it is vastly different to my German Classical dressage past, it is completely perfect for where I am in my life with my horsemanship, where the German is not so achievable right now.  But, after giving this thing a go during good weather in the upcoming months, I may never go back.  I have found 'me' again, after searching for years!  I learned some really good stuff with the Waterhole Rituals too.  And I am certainly looking at horsemanship with brand new eyes, and what I am finding is REALLY good stuff.  What more can I ask for?  It has been a great journey that has brought me right here, right where I guess I need to be.


Thanks to those that have followed along.  My little blog is just a few short visitors away from 12,ooo views.  Here's to looking forward to the next 300 posts.....Stay tuned as I am working on some good stuff regarding bitless dressage and keeping the pole the highest point, and also working on a page about different types of horsemanship and the masters we all look up too.  Don't forget to look around, there are over 100 video's plastered all over the place with both good and bad horsemanship to learn from.


Savvy On
Michelle

Do you REALLY know what Rhythm is?

Do you know the difference between Rhythm and Tempo? We’ve all heard (god I hope we have) that walk is a 4 beat gait, trot a 2 beat gait and canter a 3 beat gait. And we hear the three “R’s” rhythm, relaxation, retreat. But do you REALLY know what RHYTHM is? In my experience in the ‘natural’ world…..the answer is….probably not. You may know someone else’s definition based on ‘their’ overall goal….which is actually…..TEMPO. And also interchangeably use ‘purity of gait’

The greener our eyes are, the bigger we need the picture to be, in order to ‘get’ something. So it is easy for someone to say…..rhythm….in exchange for tempo…when talking about ‘behavior’ and ‘emotions’ in a horse. Or a green horse just learning to ‘rate’ his speed. So we wouldn’t want to see his canter go quickly then slowly then quickly then slowly…..we would like him to be consistent…..but this is actually TEMPO. So unfortunately we don’t, in the end understand and thus incorrectly use the term ‘rhythm’ for ‘tempo’ but it served it’s purpose of helping us identify and correct emotional inconsistencies in our horse, or helping a very green horse get his very basic bearings about himself.

However, in Dressage, Rhythm is a core element, and inconsistencies will cost you big time. It is suppose to be TABOO to cause irregular gaits….ie: RHYTHM…..but they take a fine eye and ear to recognize…..so it would be prudent to REALLY know what it is, what is correct, and what would be considered a crime against nature.

Rhythm: Unconstrained, forward flow of energy through “well timed” steps

Rhythm is the pattern of the beats of the gait….2 beat trot, 3 beat canter and 4 beat walk. It should be even and consistent. It isn’t the ‘beat’ in so much as it is the amount of time ‘between’ the beats….that defines the RHYTHM. We tend to think of the trot as 1-2 1-2- 1-2…. So to define the ‘even’ part….what you need to know is that the time between footfalls should be perfectly even, and it is helpful to think of it as 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8….which 4 strides of trot.

If you counted out loud as your horse trotted along…..

that is exactly what you should hear….1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8……..NOT…..1-—2-3-—4-5-—6-7—8.

Same for the walk there, which is the easiest gait to screw up and cause an ambling or shuffling as described above….mainly from too much contact not enough engagement. The trot however is usually screwed up by posting. So when posting, you should think of an imaginary saddle seat hovering over the pommel. You should be spending just as much time with your ‘front’ on the imaginary saddle as you do with your ‘back’ in the real saddle….and the time in between, spent rising, should be equal to the time in between, spent falling. Usually this is the reason for lack of even rhythm in the trot gait. Do it for too long, and you make it a habit hard to break for you and your horse. Now the canter is a whole ‘nuther story. While it is a 3 beat gait, we must remember there is a suspension phase as well, with it’s own ‘beat’ so to speak. Making the canter kind of like a 4 beat gait…..for the purposes of explaining the canter rhythm…………at least if you want your horse to not be totally flat with no elevation or space of time between strides. So a canter rhythm would be like this….. 123-123-123-123……..not 123123123123123…so it might be helpful to go ahead and count out the suspension beat like this 123s123s123s123s123s123s or how I like to do it….123412341234. The longer the suspension phase….the more uphill, springy, engaged, etc the canter will be.

Let’s talk about SERIOUS deviations of purity of gait. These are things you will see caused by such things as Rolkur and again serious lack of impulsion or odd mix of collection/impulsion….this is where the trot becomes a 4 beat gait because of diagonal pair of legs not hitting the ground simultaneously….or the canter becomes a 4 beat gait such as in the often seen 4 beat ‘pirouette’ where the horse is rearing on two hind legs, swings his torso over, then places his front feet down separately…..that is NOT a canter. This would be caused by focusing too much doing the pirouette on the ‘spot’ rather than focusing on keeping the gait pure (3 clear beats) and sacrificing the ‘spot’. As I said in the beginning, it is ‘suppose’ to be taboo to lose purity of gait or have an irregular rhythm. It is suppose to be taboo to not have the poll the highest spot, and taboo to have the nose behind the vertical….yet we almost exclusively see all these deviations from the most elite in the sport. Adhering to “Winning” above basic cardinal principles….will be nothing more than sacrifice at your horse’s expense.

So now that you know WHAT rhythm is and isn’t, let’t talk about TEMPO again. Because lets face it 1---2-3---4-5---6-7---8 IS a rhythm, it just isn’t an even rhythm or the one we are looking for…..it is an irregular rhythm.

So lets say you have a trot…..1---2---3---4---5---6 as your regular working trot….when you shorten or lengthen the stride…this will shorten….1-2-3-4-5-6 or lengthen 1-------2-------3-------4-------5-------6 but see how it stayed regular and even and consistent….if you ever got 123456…..your horse will likely to be found….on the forehand, strung out, emotionally scattered. Time needs to be spent doing lots of half halts and lots of cavaletti work.

Remember, while we want a canter to have a well defined suspension ‘beat’, we do not want him to move like Pepe Le Pew 123--------------123-------

Hope this has help clear up any confusion about what Rhythm really is……and don’t worry……with this knowledge, despite what Gloria Estephan says….the Rhythm isn’t “Gonna getcha’”



Savvy On

Michelle

DVD Review:**** Dr Gerd Heuschmann: If Horses Could Speak

If Horses Could Speak ****

This is a must see for anyone who rides a horse, not just people who ride dressage.  It was very informative regarding the way horses move when we ride them, without having to watch a whole series of dvd’s.  It was in-depth,  but for the purpose of making a point, not for lengthy detailed bio-mechanical education.  There was enough in there that was scientific to educate you on why it is important to care about the way your horse moves. 

It really makes no difference if you are striving to be a grand prix dressage rider, or working toward passing L4 Finnesse or Freestyle…..you should care how your horse moves beneath you and around you.  As for being a classical dressage nut myself, I still don’t know how the world got so far away from the ideals of proper movement in favor of Rolkur and hyper flexion.  It is an atrocity how most upper level horses move, and how people are so uneducated that they cheer for it.  Cheering for a horse having stolen from him what god gave him, his grace and purity of gait and rewarding the thief with a gold medal.  Sickens me for sure.  We should not be asking a horse to do, what we have not prepared him properly to do.  To ask your horse to circle, while mindlessly letting him travel head high and crooked and then wonder why he is lame or has behavioral issues, is irresponsible at best. 

This video also speaks to, albeit not their intention, trainers of the western and natural world as well.  And to be honest, I am ashamed that I let my horse move so horribly, for so long, all in the name of the all mighty  ‘neutral’.  We must take care to realize that learning ‘neutral’ is vital…but it is a temporary tool…..and teaching the horse his responsibilities should also be a temporary tool.  We should not carry on for too long, ignoring the fact that our horse needs to move in a healthier way, and ignorance is not excuse.  True, if you exercise his mind, his body will follow….but at what sub-standard level of quality?  I am disgusted with myself, that I let my eye get so lazy to the bio-mechanics because I was so focused on the behavior.  I am grateful that I have watched this, and can make a change NOW….because it is never too late to start building the horse of your dreams.  Unfortunately, there are no quick routes to Rome though, it takes time to properly build an athlete, with out breaking him down before he even reaches his prime.  Time to get back on the path of classical training.  I give this dvd 4*’s, and invite everyone to look in the mirror, because whether we like it or not, intentional or not, educated or ignorant, either we are helping our horse or hurting him....there is no in between.

He also has a book titled

Tug of War...."Modern" versus Clasical Dressage

Click her for more info


Savvy On
Michelle

How I built a cheap and portable Round Pen.

The Picadero.....is DONE!!!! Check it out!

Total Cost: $118
Total time to Build: 5 Hours
Ease of use and relocation: EASY
Enjoyment level of use: Unconditionally, exponentially, limitless!

Now of course this is as 'low tech' and 'cheap' as I could get it done.....but it is functional and should provide me many hours of enjoyment as I explore the..... Waterhole Rituals / Hempfling / PNH L4 Liberty / Clicker training .... further this summer, and I am dying to get started.  Compared to the cost of a pipe panel round pen which can run from $600-$1200 this is a cost effective alternative.  I also considered 8x 20ft cattle panels at $25ea plus the cost of clips to connect them $20 would be cost effective, but not as easily moved from one location to another, BUT easier than a pipe panel pen to move for sure.  This is also a great way to NOT have to try to pound or beat a post into rock hard ground filled with rock hard ROCKS.

So here I am, with my limited but growing knowledge of cement, and may even have become the "expert" on cheap round pen construction....ROFLMAO!!!! HA HA HA

So Here are the two first buckets, that were suppose to be, mix in one, pour into/set-up/pop-out in the other....but I messed up by using too much water and created two $10 posts.  As each of 'these' buckets were $5 ea plus $3 ea for the posts plus $4 for a bag of cement.  The rest of the posts are much cheaper as I found cheaper buckets.  Gotta LOVE Wal-mart.

These buckets are found in the paint department.  The larger handle buckets were $1.83 each and the smaller ones were $.89 each.  I bought 12 for a total of  $14.65 + tax.  This makes my bucket purchase total = $25.  The step in poly posts were $3 x 14 = $42 and the electric tape was $30 for a 656ft roll and I bought 7 bags of 2/3 cubic foot size, cement at $4 bag = $28....However, with finding smaller buckets, I only used a total of 3 bags  = $12 for cement. That brings my total investment to $109 + $9 tax = $118 for a portable round pen/picadero.  Not bad huh?

Now as for ease of construction and time spent, it only took me 3 hours total to mix the cement and fill 14 buckets.  Time spent making my 10 foot strands of tape, that took me 2  hours, but that included time spent screwing up and starting over, but I think we can count it accurate. And after 24hrs set time, I am good to go set it up in it's designated area.  As for my mom's parking spot.....too bad ~ so sad ~ mama!
Don't forget to read the end for my corrections to my mistakes.

Now there is assuredly an even cheaper way to do this.  I was thinking supplement buckets, while coveted as feeding buckets, I am sure one could beg all your friends for their used buckets when they are done with them, plus your own, would take no time at all to collect 14 of them.  If one used poly hay bailing twine, you could round that up all over the place for free as well.  I have over a years worth bagged up in my back yard, and you are welcome to come by and take all you want....;). Cement is pretty cheap with small buckets, but sand or dirt could possibly do in a pinch, just would not survive the winter rains.  One could even get fancy and use potting soil and add flowers I guess.  That just leaves the matter of the posts.  I am sure there are alternatives to $3 fencing stakes, and I am sure one could be creative in this department as well.  Just don't ask me, if I could have thought of a cheaper way, I would have done it.  All in all, I would have to say that if you were creative and resourceful, I bet you could do this for free! 12 posts set 10ft apart makes a 30ft  square picadero or a 40 foot pen.
Don't forget to read the end for my corrections to my mistakes. It's pretty funny.

This type of construction allows for all types of terrain and shapes, and one does not need worry about the condition of the ground (for construction sake not horse soundness sake) or having a friend nearby every time it needs to be moved. Also, by having short 10ft strings looped to each post, you forgoe the headache of sagging lines, and a night mare of night mare when taking apart or changing shape or just moving part of it to use the space as a parking lot!  Using one long line can be a pain in the rear, and if a horse goe thru it, there is a better chance of it just popping apart, rather than stringing along behind them.  On THAT note, one does need a horse to respect fences for this to be advantageous and safe.  I would not recommend putting a flighty frightened horse in a pen like this, nor would I leave a horse unsupervised in it.  As always, use your head, and put both you and your horses safety first....and fun should follow.....not vet or hospital bills.  If desired, you could hook this up to a fence charger and actually use the electric tape as designed, but now you have to consider the cost of that, and the fact that in a small space, a horse being jolted with electicity is not a great idea with you inside.  Also, since you SHOULD be using this pen to create harmony and confidence in your horse, I do not know how 'comfortable' a horse might feel if he is worried about getting electrocuted.  Use your brain and choose wisely when it comes to electricity.  Ok now that the public safety announcement is over.....here are some links to where you can purchase similar items on-line:
step in poly posts
highly visible electric tape 656ft roll

What you need: Obviously, buckets, cement, posts, water and string....but other than that:
Scissors, a wheel barrel or sturdy man to carry said cement bags.  Weak men crumble like paper, so if that is all you got, you may as well do it yourself.  Your mothers sturdiest cooking spoon. I own mine, but since I stole it from my mom 15ys ago, I thought i would share the resource.  Plastic butter tub for scooping dry cement. Bout 1 cup size, anything bigger is too big and too hard to handle, anything smaller just makes more work.  Something for your posts to lean against while drying if you made your cement too soupy.  I cannot stress this enough.  Think ahead, because when you have wet cement that you percieve to be drying at lighting speed, panic tends to set in quicker that cement sets up.  Which by the way is 12hours.  Chill, you got time....once your done mixing.  Just don't touch the posts once you have placed them in the cement.  Unless they fall, jiggling them will just make them jiggly after it is set....literally in stone.

How to tie so it makes a loop at the end of string, but won't come undone.

Tips of things to keep in mind:

The cat will not get out of your way, as if they just know that you will go around.

Do Not Park your work station or tools near the cactus.

The cactus will not get out of your way, as if it just knows that you will go around.

Do not let the cat lay near the cactus.

Wear a painters mask.  If you do not, then make sure to keep tissue near by to blow your nose often.

Wear gloves as the lye in the cement will dry your hands quickly and instantly.

Watch out for the cat.

Do not put lotion on, and immediatly work with dry cement.

Leather birkenstocks and cement do not mix.  Wear rubber flip flops so you can rinse your legs often.

Watch out for the cactus.

Cement dust gets everywhere. Do not just dump one bucket of dry cement into another.  Pour it slowly.  Don't worry if you forget this one, the cement will remind you quickly and you will only make that mistake once.  you will then be reminded of the need for tissue!

Rinse your tools and work station in between the making of each bucket, while it may take 24hrs to set up in the bucket, it will quickly harden in small quantites on/in other things.

Do not assume your post will be 'stuck' in the cement and carry it over your foot.  Don't worry, you will only have to do that once to remember it.  Luckily I have not had to deal with that, mine are in, but you never know, so i thought i would mention it.

Always know where the cactus is!

Damn Cat!

You may find it benificial to not put your work station directly underneath a hornets nest.  The theme here is to be aware of your surroundings....and who is occupying it.  As you will want to do this in a well ventilated area.  PS....well ventilated = wind, and it will always be blowing directly towards your face when ever there is a cement dust cloud in front of it!

Beware where you grab things, as dogs think these are great for peeing on!

Don't use too much water, you can always ADD more water, but you cannot ever take it OUT!

Stir quickly!

Do not let your horses investigate during the first 12hs.....cement is permenant and if they knock the post over inside the cement.....It will be stuck that way by morning.

Make sure to bring drinking water with you.  You will likely get very thirsty.

Have a couple extra buckets, and start by filling small buckets first.

When making strings.....measure twice, cut once, measure again!

There is a limit to the number of things you can hold in your hands all at the same time.  You would hate to drop something, reach for it, and instead get a handful of cactus.  Especially when tripping over the cat!

Frozen yogurt does NOT taste as good after a weekend in the freezer.  It has nothing to do with round pen construction.  I just thought it was worth mentioning.

I found it helpful to put a 1/2 inch of water in the bottom of the small buckets, 1 inch of water in the big buckets, then cement, then water as needed while stirring.  As for how much water.....well....that is a learn as you go kinda thing.  i just had a bucket of water to pour from....a hose is not reliable AND the pressure blows dry cement in your face.  By the By.....lots of things will blow dry cement in your face....including a nosey horse snorting in the bucket. Cha'Cote was quite side kick as I worked.

Mistakes and Corrections;

Last but not least.....plan on paper first and double check your math.  I don't know how I did this, but even though I planned this out in detail, many times prior to commencement of supply purchase and construction, somehow I managed to screw up my math.  Originally I planned on 2 buckets and to pop the cement out when set, yet, as described above they didn't pop out.  So when I went to purchase more, I bought 12...thus making 14 posts in all.  Where I can't figure out how I made my other mistake though, is how I just so happened to have 14 stakes.  Hmmmm.  THEN.....Oh yes, there is more.....trust me when I say, when done and set up, I stood there bewildered at my blunder.  So I already told you about my 9ft length of string mishap....this is incredibly stupid......10 feet was wrong too.  Aparently, I had planned to make them 13ft, ie, 3 sections, yes 4 posts only make 3 sections......OR.....I failed to notice that 4 posts only make 3 sections.

THUS......4 posts per side with 10 foot sections will only yield a 30x30 square or 40ft round pen.  DUH....I just couldn't fathom making such a mistake on such simple SIMPLE math.  SO.......The correction to the plan is this.  IF you want a 40x40ft square or 50ft round, you will need 12 post with 13.3 sections.......OR.....you will need 16 posts with 10ft sections.  And what's more, since I had already typed this thing up, and have absolutely NO intention to go back and make THAT many corrections.....YOU.....can change the math on the money for the total cost.  So far, my correction for now, is to use my house as one side of the pen, until I can get to the store to buy 2 more buckets and stakes.  The good news is that I have plenty of cement and string left to correct the mistake.  All in all, it should only cost me another 9 bucks, and another trip to the store to fix it.

PS....yes....the cat and the cactus are conspiring against you.  They even recruited the dog!

PPS.........Ignore the dog in the pic....he is in trouble in the moment for hiking his leg on the couch.....damn dog

Savvy On
Michelle
the math challenged moron.

Cha'cote's first trail Walk

Today my friends came over and we went on a LONG trail....ride for them, companion walk for me and Cha'cote. I know I wont be able to walk tommorow, but I had a blast and more importantly, so did he. The hills were managable for my fat rear, thank god. it was B..E..A..utiful! I know our bond got alot stronger today and can't wait to do it again. He even found himself a mustang day spa, and nearly knocked over a dead bush gettign a good scratch in.....well you'll see it in the video. I love him so much and know that he came to me right when we could help each other the most. I thought I was saving him, but really he is saving me.
Hope you enjoy.

Savvy On
Michelle

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Not letting failure, make you feel like a failure.....

Pity Party alert....oh lord...what a day....good and bad.  Big achievements that no one would notice, small failures that stick out like a mutt in a poodle parlor, and of course EVERYONE sees.  So, I decided to take cha'cote to the lesson and playday, figure I could just hang out with him while I am giving a lesson.  Some undemanding time.  Oh boy....the success was that he ripped around, running like a fool.  It was so nice to see this quiet introvert cut loose with the boys.  Sure he was terrified to his very core at first....but they quickly learned they would never be able to sniff him, if he keeps running away from them. So they started mosying up nice and slow.  In the end, Cha'cote was the one instigating PLAY with them.  He even stopped off to see me everynow and then and hang out with me of his own accord.  Can everyone see my heart melting??  We played a little on line.  He got in the trailer OK to get there, not bad...not even 5 min.....My student made HUGE progress in the posting dept today....I was so proud of her

Jaws music inserted here.....

Time to get back in the trailer.  Now since we are having problems, this was not much of a failure....but with all eyes on me....I got nervous, and so did he.....I should have asked them to take thier chatter far, far away.  But....my puny ego thought that would look bad or mean, or that in and of itself would make me some kind of failure.....so.....half hour or so of sheer tortuous patience....he got in.  For the first time I enlisted help from my student, for more than just closing the door.  I have to say, she knows me well enough, that we were almost working as one mind.  She did a great job, of watching when I release, so she could release too.  So that was a cool partnership and a success as well.  But I drove off with my heart sunk low, feeling like the worst of all failures.....Pity Party.......everybody dance now!

Do you know that lil shit, got in the trailer 20+ when we got home!  I think I am gonna have to find some help with this.....I am tired of banging my head on a wall with this and I just don't know how to help him.  I have some ideas for this week......or next weekend.  but the moral of the story.....who am i kidding, I don't know the moral of the story.....My student and I talked for about an hour, while I cried......she is such a good ass kisser!  But really, she reminded me of all my success this year with Cha'cote, the success' I have helped her with, and that feeling good about your self when you are successful is not egotistical, and feeling sad when you fail miserably is not self loathing......I guess there is a moral here.....it is ok to go there....just not ok to live there!

Savvy On
Michelle

Sharing the Trailer Pics



OLD assesment footage

I came across this footage of one of my many infamous L1 assemsents of the past. Of course back then, you had to tape each and every task. This is attempt #3 or 4, can't really remember now, it was soooo long ago. Story is.....there were sooo many times that either the horse went lame with one or two tasks to go, or the computer crashed and lost the whole dang thing, or the program changed. This is one that I had that was actually done, but I had not uploaded the whole thing to the net yet, and the computer crashed. Some of these clips were the dry run, and had been retaped.....but.....going down memory lane....I thought I would share.

Plus I joined a new meet up group, and am offering "horseless" people to be able to play with with the Snookster, since I have to bring her anyways.

I added a few pics of us over the last 20+ yrs. Those that I didn't lose in the computer crash.

Enjoy!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Did I achieve my goal? And where do I go from here?

Well, it is here, my birthday.  41yo today and what do I have to show for it?  My goal was to complete my official assesments of L4 by today.  So the answer is NO....I did NOT completely achieve my goal.  Looking back....at the 'ME" of a year ago.....who was then looking forward.....I had quite a lofty goal.  At first I thought it would be a no brainer.  My horse Rose and I, were near complete with L4 before the car accident and I thought it was reasonable to get back what we had in a year.  Of course things didn't go as planned and my strategy has had more than a few makeovers in the last year and a half.  Turns out riding is a huge risk and one frought with pain as well, so that is certainly on the back burner until a more suitable and safe option comes available....ie some training for Rose and some pain pills for me.  For now I can accept that, as depressing as it is.  My goal of completing L4, originally was to be done with Rose.....but since the levels are about the human and not the horse.....I got in any vehicle (horse) that was capable of making the journey with me.

One of the first major overhauls to the plan, which originally was to just do my L4 auditions, though I had never officially assessed any level prior to this past year, I realized that starting at the top was the worst thing I could try to do.  So, back to the beggining I went.  I passed L1 without owning or knowing anything about the patterns program, nor having any reference video's on youtube to be a guide.  I would have just died had I not passed THAT!  From there was a bit of a depressed stale mate for a while, when all the 'fear of failure' stuff kicked in.  Then I rescued Miyagi and Ochi, and taking a step back from Rose was a good thing and allowed ME to move forward and Pass OLL2 with Miyagi.  It was just a minute later that Cha'cote fell into my lap, and he needed me soo bad, that I put my own goals and needs aside to get this boy to a place where he could have a normal life.  One day in early spring I got a wild hair up my butt and pulled out Rose and hopped on and taped my FSL2 and passed that.  Feeling a bit better about my self, I managed to get up the gumption with Rose, to tape my LibL3 one day, out of the blue, and passed that as well.  Then I was really starting to get back to my self...I thought....BUT it was OLL3 that turned out to be my nemisis.  Good lord, Rose and I were locked in a battle of wills for so long, I still don't know exactly how to fix it.  It got to the point of realizing there was just NO way I was going to be able to tape it with her.  Everytime the camera came was on, it brought out the worst in us both.  Cha'cote luckily was just getting to that point in his journey, so I gave it a shot with him. And we passed.  That whole thing of course was a side journey in and of it self that is documented in earlier posts. 

So all in all, what have I gained and achieved, in my personal Parelli journey?  An official graduation of L2, and only needing to pass FSL3 to graduate offically L3.  I passed a total of 5 auditions, with the help of 3 different horses.  I saved the lives of 2 miniature's and one mustang.  I got my ass off of my couch, and out of a deep depression.  I stood up for myself and fought for my achievments.  The big question now is.......
.
.
.
Where do I go from here?  What is my next goal?  And what path will I choose to reach that goal?

I have discovered a few new friends along the way, and am in the process of unloading a bit of dead weight around my neck.  For the moment, riding is on the back burner, obviously, so I think I am setting a goal of Liberty  and Online L4 by 3-31-10.  I have alot of fixing to do, in order to figure out my relationship with Rose, and alot of growth to tackle with Cha'cote.  Neither of which do I think will be achieved in a short period of time.  But I also don't want to leave my self with no goal in sight.  I need something to hold me accountable, or the time will just dwindle away into nothingness.  my 30's are gone, and my 40's are well under way.  If I am not moving forward, I am just standing still.....and that aint good for no-one!

I am currently playing wtih Carolyn Resnicks water hole rituals, and I am trying to audit a Brent Graef clinic next month, as I believe that the biomechanics of the horse is vital and something that has been highly lacking in my journey for the last 9ys, and before my horses all turn up lame, I would like to study from someone who is both natural, but also puts proper movement at the forefront of the journey, not the tail end.  I am eagerly awaiting some dvd's of Hempfling, Rashid, Royal, wrangler Jayne and Branneman.  I think some of my questions will be answered in some of these other avenues.  The Parelli levels are about the human, and technically I have already learned the material, I am just trying to get to a place where my horses and I can do it in harmony again.  I think one of my issues, may be that because I have learned it, but am persistent in trying to re-create it, it is not doing what is best for the horse, as the levels are designed for the HUMANS learning.  So now that I have an issue with my HORSE, I need to get out of the foundation classroom and step into the horseman's classroom.

Interestingly, a university has many teachers in many subjects.  You gain the broadest education, buy being able to see a 'subject' from many perspectives, not just one.  Just as a high level dressage test is judged by 5 judges sitting in 5 different places, that gives each of them a unique perspective.  A fault or an accomplishment can often be seen well from one angle, be glaringly obvious, and yet at the same time, completely go un-noticed from another angle, like a blind spot.  It is easy for faults to go unnoticed if you always ONLY look from the same vantage point.  It is best to get the foundation and move on quickly, to step outside the pretty red-blue-green-black....'boxes" and see what else the world has to offer.  After all, it was the outside world, who filled the 'boxes" to begin with.

The pavement behind me is in the past, I am currently in the bottleneck, there is a fork in the road, and my rest of my life ahead of me.......stay tuned to see which way I turn.

Savvy On
Michelle

Can you teach herd respect?

So I played with Rose again last night.  I noticed immediately that our last lesson was still with her.  She was not to keen to be with me for one, but once she decided to come to me, she was much lighter and MUCH more respectful.  We mostly played the circling game, and she upheld her part very well.  Much nicer to have her GO….and then maintain.  We also played with a new game, the beginnings of Spanish walk and beginning of a bow.  Just tinkering, as raising a leg is actually one of HER favorite games to play on ME.

So the interesting thing is this…..while I was feeding them this morning, I noticed something I have not seen in a long time.  Rose was cautious while approaching Snookie to eat with her.  Usually they eat practically nostril to nostril.  There has been a no permission needed policy about this for quite a while.  But I saw her creep in like she had foundered, and very cautiously reach her nose toward Snookies.

Hmmm, I wonder if this has anything to do with a renewed respect for MY leadership, being transferred back to respecting Snookies leadership.  How interesting?

Savvy On
Michelle

Well Well Well.....wouldn't CHA know!

I tried to tape my L4 Liberty yesterday.  The first half was not bad considering....

1.Snookie was loose in the arena with us.
2.Both girls were in heat
3.Both had a boyfriend tied to the fence on the outside of the arena.

Rose was like trying to move around a dead cow.  Snookie was squeeling and striking at the boys (not nearly as dead in heat as Rose)  We warmed up, and the girls would run as fast as they could to be by the boys before I could show up and ruin the party.  Finally my friend was ready with the camera, but....in retrospect.....i think Rose was already done at this point.  She really had no problems with DRAW.....but the STICK.......STUNK!  She would do the task, and then split.  And then come back.  I didn't worry about it much at the time figuring I will just hyperspeed the tape in my lonely moments for the audition.  In the arena we trailer loaded....both of them got in BTW, I could NOT keep Snookie out......we did a weave, friendly with the big green ball, lead by the tail, some stick to me, a few of the 7 games......

BUT....then I had the audacity to ask her to do a figure 8.  Nope.....all i saw was butt crack!  She came back, we tried again.....butt crack!  I thought this might be the case, so....as I had planned the night before....we went to the round pen, for the fig8, circles and flying changes.  Never mind the fact that last weekend she did some AWESOME circles in the big arena, real small and stuck like GLUE.  But as usual, no camera around to get it.  So anyways, off we head to the arena.  I hosed her off on the way as it was hot out.  this is where it all fell apart.....just as it ALWAYS does when i attempt an audition.  Started off good, got really nice figure 8's, which would also be really nice flying changes......if the COW would canter...... so long as cantering was not on the menu she was fine.  she would have probably trotted for me all day, but canter....heck no....not without some serious work on my part.  I was sweating like a hog and getting tired myself, and my shoulder was killing me.  It is not suppose to be like this, she is suppose to work....not me!  So there we were.....the Hog and the Cow, going no where.

So I pulled all my "tools" out of the brain shed.....but the one thing i knew i should do....i didn't because i was direct line for the audition.  AGAIN. so with in a few min, i knew it was lost.....worked on getting one canter circle.....and headed back to the arena for shade and online PLAY.  We played with the send.......to toys....."hurry up and get there to play" was the theme.

So I thought about it the rest of the day, and night, and dreamed about it, woke up with it on my mind, thought about it all day today.  What is my strategy going to be?  I know what is broken.....it has been boken for 8 months......YO-YO/DRIVING.....and the lack of an effective phase 4.   It is the one thing I found is a very common 'comment' on audtions......"She doesn't believe you will go to phase 4".....I just don't do much of circling or yo-yo on the circle at home because of the horrible ground conditions.  I feel just terrible, so I don't make anyone do it much. 

And then the phase 4.  What is a phase 4?  I sure was going "there"  but I was having to run out there to tag her.  And the more she saw how much work it was, FOR ME, the more confident she was that she could outlast me. And made a game of how many times she could get me to come out of MY circle.  A phase4 is......what ever is EFFECTIVE...not how hard you can whack your horse.  It felt like i was beating her, yet it was far from effective.  So I knew, with a horse like this, who is wickedly smart, I had to be smarter than her, not stronger or faster, as that is just imposible. Not to mention, on top of it all...............
 
Hello nimrod.....how can it be good enough for an audition if you dont DO it.....EVER??  So.....since I know she can see my weakness', and then strategize against my inferior skills compared to hers.....I got out the lunge whip.  I am not moving a single inch......but i have to be able to tag her.  Took her a few times before she realized I was the all mighty, all powerfull human with the long arm of the law!  Sometimes I used a long phase one and a serious tag, other times broke the phases down to equal times, and in the end the game of response.....move NOW, you don't have that long before you get tagged.  I sent her out, and if she stopped, i reeled her in, gave her a love, backed her out, stood in neutral for about 20-30 seconds to make her REALLY wonder what was coming next.....then .....I brought my life up....and .....GO!  If I got a NO.....she got a tag.  I did less, she did more.

I cried once or twice.....but I am not a chump.....for the good of the relationship....if she doesn't respect me....we dont have a relationship.  But I also know, she has to feel like a winner too, so of course.....she did not get tagged if she could beat me to it with a snappy depart.  I stood there during the the friendly moments in between sends, and was looking at all the kick marks and bit marks she has on her.  ALOT!!!!  I have never seen a horse so tore up before.  they are every where.  It dawned on me.....she is vying for Snookies position.  She senses weakness and old age, and must be checking in regularly to see if Snookie still has what it takes to be the leader.  My guess is......YES.....

So she must be not moving fast enough, trying to hold her ground with Snookie....and thinking I am no better than her.  Well not today my friends......NOT today.

Phase4 lives.....and unlike the Snookster....I left no marks.....other than on her EGO!!!!

Game plan.  play this game again wed/fri/sat.....and trailer over again to the arena/rp and give canter a whirl again.  We got a great send.....snapiest departs I think she has ever given me....and that not so great working hindend driving game.......moves like a charm now....hide your hiney strikes again!  In the end, she was upholding her end of the bargain with circles.....not changing gaits.......many laps.

Video will be uploaded....well when ever my friend bestowes it upon me.....so....cant say!

Pat Parelli Passed me with a 3++

Woo Hoo! After “fighting for my life” defending my position to Pat himself…..he went home and did as promised, he reviewed my audtion. I figured he was not going to do it on tues, his first day back home, so I ran home after work, pulled Cha’cote out and taped a ‘supplemental’ video showing the power of neutral in circling game. Pat did say it was THE #1 thing needed done well to pass L3, and I didn’t show it. Not that we can’t, I just didn’t. I wanted to tape it quickly and get it on youtube before he had the time to sit down to review it. I figured, if Pat Parelli was going to take HIS time to review it, I didn’t want it to be a WASTE of his time. I got an email late wed from Ann that he had reviewed it, and she would get me the results the next day. Thurs came and went, Friday came and went….and at this point figured I would hear nothing over the weekend. TORTURE….I tell ya! But sat late afternoon I logged on to find the results! The extra video helped, but of course that wasn’t the whole story. There was a huge discrepancy in my orig score and his score. Well here, you can read for yourself:


Hi Michelle,
Pat, Hillary Rose and I reviewed your audition for your On Line.
Congratulations, Pat assessed you at Level 3++!!!! We apologize for
the discrepancy between Hillary's score and Pat's. This has been a
great learning experience for Hillary, and Pat will be holding another
training with everyone who scores the auditions, to make sure everyone
is on track with his vision. We hold these trainings periodically,
and your audition brought to light that it's time to do another one
:^) Thank you so much for speaking up, and for voicing your concern.
This is how we are all able to get our "good better, and our better
best"!!!
Your video of your neutral circling game was very helpful, and was a
necessary part of being able to give this score, so thanks for being
so proactive in getting that filmed and sent in!

Great job with everything that you are doing, and we hope to see you again soon!

Naturally,
Ann


I could just about DIE now! Just goes to show: No one is perfect, it is OK to question things, and sometimes…..SOMETIMES, you just might be right! If feels good to be acknowledged for my strengths and even got a few 4’s. With Cha’Cote! The mustang!

The whole story is on the savvy forum, online section, thread ‘I taped my OLL3 with my mustang”

I give a blow by blow, section by section, side by side comparison of the two score cards, my remarks on each section and why it did not make sense to me, and rightly so. Now I can move on. I don’t know if I will ever be able to pass Freestyle L3, much more L4, as it just hurts too much to ride, But one can always DREAM!

I have SAVVY!

Michelle

Blinding **FLASH** of the obscure! Huge FEAR breakthru

WOW, I just realized that I had a major breakthrough this weekend, biggest that I have had in the last 2.5yrs. OK so you know I have been suffering from a fear of failure since trying to come back after my accident. In that time, I had no confidence in myself. I let my daily failures get the better of me and felt as though I would never be good enough again. When I sent in my OLL3, I honestly did not expect to pass. However when I received my results of Pre3, I was devastated. But in looking at it, the scores did not make sense. It was not for the reasons that I thought it would be. So luckily I found myself at the Fresno event, arguing my case to anyone who would listen. And while it didn’t make sense to anyone else either (and now I know why, will write about that one later) I found in all of this that “I” was defending MYSELF. Usually I am putting myself down, unable to accept others compliments or their evaluation of my skills, feeling I was unworthy of any accolades. I found myself this weekend saying again and again “I am better than this score, why can’t they see that”, and the truth is, “I” am the one who couldn’t see it. Next thing I know, I am standing face to face with Pat Parelli himself, begging for him to explain to me what it all meant. I got an explanation, and walked away understanding. While I do NOT agree with the system. It is what it is, and if I want to pass, then _X_ needs to be shown. I did not show it. Long drive home, waiting patiently for Pat to review my video himself…..not going to there right now….saying to myself (my friend was just a sounding board at this point, I hate to say I can’t recall a single word she said)…..


“Ya know what? I don’t care what my score or result is. I am not re-doing it. I know I am a solid L3, and I am not going to torture my horses, not even one more time, taping this dang thing. We are ALL sick of it. In my book I passed, and I am moving forward to my OLL4 and LIBERTY4 auditions.”

Funny the confidence you find in yourself when you are fighting for your life. All I needed was to hear myself trying to justify this or that, and now I finally believe in myself.

At the tour stop, Linda had people stand up who had passed L1 (officially or self assessed) and a lot stood up. Then she asked for L2 grads and quite a number of people sat down. Then L3 grads, and just about everybody sat down. Then L4 grads. I stood there, in my own little world for a moment, and was watching Linda look for people on the other side of the arena, giggling with the crowd at her missing some joke or something. Then I started to look around and I too could not see anyone standing. I heard someone yell out from behind me to Linda, but she couldn’t hear them, so I yelled out her name (I have a big loud voice) and she turned around, glared me right in the eye, and said, ‘Just you? Congratulations!”

I instantly realized at that moment that 2000+ eyes were staring at ME. The whole room went white, then black, and I have no recollection of what happened in the following 5-10 minutes. At the time, I felt like a liar. But I know better than that. Official status is for our ego, our real status is measured by our horses. I hold their opinion higher than Pats. And even if I fail my audition, by Pats hands, My horses know I am a L5, and that is fine by me!

Savvy On
Michelle

Power of Neutral video

Well long story will get to later, but here is my "extra" video for my OLL3 showing my neutral. I hadn't played with him for 5 weeks, pulled him out, no warm up, NOTHING, just straight to this. he was too upset to canter, but the point is my neutral in the circle game anyways. the rest was really to make sure i got my draw back. I was upset that he didn't come to me the first time and was not going to leave it at that. when done we did a liberty walk in zone 5 about 30feet then onto the pedestal from zone 5. of course the camera wasn't on!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Complete and utter torture!

It has been two weeks and 3days since I sent in my audtion, and it is no less than pure torure waiting for the results.  As a gold member, it says 3-4 weeks for results.  Every hour checking my email, I swear, I don't know if I could take a full 1week and 4days more of this.  There are only 2 more hours till the  parelli office closes for the day, where I will sigh and sink into my seat a bit further for the last hour of work, till I sulk my entire drive home. Where I will then forget all about it until thier office opens tomorrow.
E ghads, waiting sucks!

Wait ON,
Michelle

Cha'Cote OLL3 Audition ~ Pass 3++

Well, we finally did it....we taped OLL3. Me and Cha'Cote! Not to bad either.....doubt I will pass....but we shall see....I am sending it in tomorrow.....wish me and my not so wild anymore mustang good luck!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Played so hard we killed the BALL!

What FUN I had with my babies last night! Saturday it was hot, AND I had to clean my house for the in-laws coming in from out of state soon, and by the time it started to cool off….it was time for fireworks over the lake. Silly but my little town celebrates 4th of July two saturdays before. Sunday started off with removing this 20yo cactus out of my front yard and transplanting it to a pot, then, awful heat again. Finally I got to play a little after 8. Still hot, but at least no sun.


I started with Cha’Cote. It was the first time playing with him on the 45’ line. He is really starting to get “interested” in sniffing things and touching things. We played with two balls, hula hoops, passenger driving in zone 5, yo-yo to the end of the 45’ line, and proceeded to the circling game. He did really great after a few…..”eeeek! I’m wild” moments. His yo-yo transitions from walk/trot/walk/trot got awesome from a new farther distance. He has stopped having thresholds going to the left. And cantering is coming along, he still can’t handle much without getting emotional about it. SOOOOOO…..much to my moms discomfort, she is going to have to park her car some where else. She is smack in the middle of the largest flat area I have for circling. I think it is about 40’ but it does not cross the drive way.

Now for Rose. I stayed on a 12’ line, being lazy I guess, but I kinda wanted to work on being able to be effective in phase 4. We had a blast! Lots of toys, and lots of noise. I put more pressure on her in the send TO the toy. Kind of a HURRY up and go play. I have noticed her FAVORITE toy is the barrel. I even had her roll it with her front legs while going sideways. It is really helping with my precision too. Then we played circling game stick to me style, on the 12’, cantering. I had her hauling A$$, one circle, and nearly a slide stop at the barrel. Kick it around a little, change direction, Haul A$$, one circle, screech to stop at the barrel. She loved it. Cantering became fun for her in my yard…..who knew! I think I am going to switch back and forth between the 12’ line and the 45’ line with her. Although I will say, I am getting quite handy with the 45’.



Can’t wait to play again tonight….although Rose killed the big ball!

Savvy On
Michelle

Rules, Restrictions, Guidelines ……where’s the fun?

Since when did I become an adult? I was in the pool with my son the other day, and of course as all 11yo kids will do…..we had to have rules for who wins the game of, don’t fall off the raft while squirting each other with water guns. It was a short list, and true to history repeating itself, as soon as my son lost, the rules changed. Some how, if you fell off of your raft, but managed to keep any part of your body ON the raft, you didn’t lose and it was immediate grounds for the all important re-do. I knocked that kid off a number of times, while managing not to fall of my self (something I needed no help in doing) and each time, my son whipped out the fine print, and alerted me to yet another rule that kept me from claiming my well earned championship. Kids are so flexible, and quickly find a way to win, or at least not lose. So why can’t adults?


I spoke to Maggie today, no time for lesson on Sunday, BUT she was kind enough to talk me through a number of things I could do to bring back the fun. Like I said the other day, it was a foreign word, but with her translation, I felt like a moron for not seeing it myself. Sometimes, the obvious solution goes completely un-noticed. She gave me ideas and concepts and real tangible blue print. Nothing I have never heard before, in-fact I have heard it a 1000 times. Just like when I had all that trouble getting Snookie in the trailer. Over 100hrs I put into it, ultimately paid $500 for Ann Kiser to get her in the trailer in 5min flat. Of course it was the most important 5 min of my horse journey to date. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I just wasn’t doing it right. I think today was another pivotal moment. Anything that she said that I had heard before, no matter how basic low level the concept, I didn’t get defensive and say, “well I know that”. I stayed open to her interpretation of concept, because I knew I was missing some crucial ingredient in the formula, and you never know what it is, so you better listen with all your ears, heart, mind and soul. I saw fun through her eyes, and thus was able to see it through my horses eyes. On many levels, I am irritated at my self for missing it. In fact I say some of it myself all the time, and yet it is so easy to apply a technique or concept at the wrong time, or completely forget it all together.

I feel like I have seen the light. And I feel like it is all right at my fingertips now. I have hope. I have been reviewing my footage of my auditions and practice sessions, and looking at those of others. Of course we all compare ourselves to others and feel we don’t measure up. But honestly I haven’t been. I see other L3/4 students and admire so much about them, and remember how I used to look that good too. Yet I couldn’t put my finger on the missing ingredient. The ingredient that makes the difference between a person with a horse and a horseperson. The star factor. The it factor. The ability to go from playing a game with your horse and winning the game with your horse, and still have your horse feel like a winner. The ability to change the rules, go with the flow, make it up as you, and not get stuck in a battle. Rather than find a way to be flexible, I was battling, giving her something to brace against, and tucking my tail between my legs, and running away feeling like a failure. I will take her advice, and go home and play with my horse. I will converse with her, rather than brace against her, and tonight she will write the play, then and only then, I will direct it. I will let you know how it goes.

Savvy On

Michelle

Extreme Frustration to Profound Discovery

So I always say to people, extreme frustration is followed by profound discovery. Yet somehow I am not applying that to myself. My frustration level is at an all time high. To the point of wanting to give it all up last night. I gave up on myself. I walked away from my horse, and proceeded to have a full blown temper tantrum/ sob fest. Emotional fitness? I think not. I debated blogging about it as I barely have the will to complain anymore. It is a good thing that I met a woman, who I hope to be my white night. She is making time for me this Sunday, fathers day of all days, but my husband said it was OK. I have not had a lesson in 10+ years, with the exception of a L2 clinic with Ann Kiser, back when the blue level 2 was brand new. I am picky as to whom I give my money to for advice. Way to picky some may think, but for me, I rely on my own good senses and the written words of my chosen mentors, before putting my money in the hands of someone who may steer me in the wrong direction. I have wasted too much of my life, and my money, to trainers who did little more than nearly get me killed.  I audit a lot though, and study with an insatiable appetite. Anyways, why I didn’t think my own words applied to me, I will never know. Something big must be in store for me, as a mastery student just reminded me, “it is always darkest before the dawn”. (thanks Hilary) Well it is pitch black for me right now. And all I can say is, I hope, and truly believe, Maggie will save me from myself. Save me from self loathing and self pity, and a rage inside me that is building. Which is better than the deadness I was feeling before. Before, I was in total denial of my deep depression from the car accident, and lacked any kind of desire, and was doing nothing with my horses. NOTHING. But I woke up one day, and decided to do something with my horses, only to find I had lost myself, my skills, and my sense of discovery. Her words to me are foreign. While I know them and speak them to others, they are foreign in application to my self. The main theme……FUN. Now generally speaking I am a fun person, in fact quite silly. I have fun with other people, and truly enjoy helping others have fun with their horses. But I realized today, I have not done it myself in a long time. The only horse I ever owned, who I actually played with was TigerLily. None of my other horses had a play drive that was noticeable to me. Mainly because they are RB horses, and safety, comfort and harmony are their main drives. Rose is the only one with a play drive. Unfortunately I think fun for her is dominance. But I don’t know. It is such a foreign word to me. I can’t remember a time that we PLAYED in the sense that I am thinking of. Maybe she does have THAT type of play drive, and because I haven’t noticed and encouraged it…..it is being suppressed, and what shines through the holes is argumentative dominance games. A battle of wills. A fight to the death. I know "I" am not having any fun. So how can SHE be having fun? Seriousness, determination, and survival are all that has followed fear, inadiquacy and doubt lately. I am lonely, bored and desperate. I hope this woman is up for my challenge. I will be throwing myself at her feet, begging her to show me the way out of this darkness that has become my horse life. It is a tall order for sure, and she seems to me to have the goods to do so. I will try not to dump my entire mess on her shoulders. For that is a heavy burden to carry. In fact that is probably one of my problems. Carrying a heavy burden. I need to drop it to the floor and have fun again. I just need someone to show me the way home. Today my friend was a little peaved at me that I don’t let her or my son get caught in the trap of perfection, yet I expect it of myself. I can’t say that I blame her for wanting to bonk me on the head. She had some nice things to say about me, both about me as her instructor and as a friend, as usual, I had a hard time accepting her generous words. But I did. So I am going to go home, and PLAY with my horses, and try not to make a red hot mess of it.


Savvy On

Michelle