Did I achieve my goal? And where do I go from here?

Well, it is here, my birthday.  41yo today and what do I have to show for it?  My goal was to complete my official assesments of L4 by today.  So the answer is NO....I did NOT completely achieve my goal.  Looking back....at the 'ME" of a year ago.....who was then looking forward.....I had quite a lofty goal.  At first I thought it would be a no brainer.  My horse Rose and I, were near complete with L4 before the car accident and I thought it was reasonable to get back what we had in a year.  Of course things didn't go as planned and my strategy has had more than a few makeovers in the last year and a half.  Turns out riding is a huge risk and one frought with pain as well, so that is certainly on the back burner until a more suitable and safe option comes available....ie some training for Rose and some pain pills for me.  For now I can accept that, as depressing as it is.  My goal of completing L4, originally was to be done with Rose.....but since the levels are about the human and not the horse.....I got in any vehicle (horse) that was capable of making the journey with me.

One of the first major overhauls to the plan, which originally was to just do my L4 auditions, though I had never officially assessed any level prior to this past year, I realized that starting at the top was the worst thing I could try to do.  So, back to the beggining I went.  I passed L1 without owning or knowing anything about the patterns program, nor having any reference video's on youtube to be a guide.  I would have just died had I not passed THAT!  From there was a bit of a depressed stale mate for a while, when all the 'fear of failure' stuff kicked in.  Then I rescued Miyagi and Ochi, and taking a step back from Rose was a good thing and allowed ME to move forward and Pass OLL2 with Miyagi.  It was just a minute later that Cha'cote fell into my lap, and he needed me soo bad, that I put my own goals and needs aside to get this boy to a place where he could have a normal life.  One day in early spring I got a wild hair up my butt and pulled out Rose and hopped on and taped my FSL2 and passed that.  Feeling a bit better about my self, I managed to get up the gumption with Rose, to tape my LibL3 one day, out of the blue, and passed that as well.  Then I was really starting to get back to my self...I thought....BUT it was OLL3 that turned out to be my nemisis.  Good lord, Rose and I were locked in a battle of wills for so long, I still don't know exactly how to fix it.  It got to the point of realizing there was just NO way I was going to be able to tape it with her.  Everytime the camera came was on, it brought out the worst in us both.  Cha'cote luckily was just getting to that point in his journey, so I gave it a shot with him. And we passed.  That whole thing of course was a side journey in and of it self that is documented in earlier posts. 

So all in all, what have I gained and achieved, in my personal Parelli journey?  An official graduation of L2, and only needing to pass FSL3 to graduate offically L3.  I passed a total of 5 auditions, with the help of 3 different horses.  I saved the lives of 2 miniature's and one mustang.  I got my ass off of my couch, and out of a deep depression.  I stood up for myself and fought for my achievments.  The big question now is.......
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Where do I go from here?  What is my next goal?  And what path will I choose to reach that goal?

I have discovered a few new friends along the way, and am in the process of unloading a bit of dead weight around my neck.  For the moment, riding is on the back burner, obviously, so I think I am setting a goal of Liberty  and Online L4 by 3-31-10.  I have alot of fixing to do, in order to figure out my relationship with Rose, and alot of growth to tackle with Cha'cote.  Neither of which do I think will be achieved in a short period of time.  But I also don't want to leave my self with no goal in sight.  I need something to hold me accountable, or the time will just dwindle away into nothingness.  my 30's are gone, and my 40's are well under way.  If I am not moving forward, I am just standing still.....and that aint good for no-one!

I am currently playing wtih Carolyn Resnicks water hole rituals, and I am trying to audit a Brent Graef clinic next month, as I believe that the biomechanics of the horse is vital and something that has been highly lacking in my journey for the last 9ys, and before my horses all turn up lame, I would like to study from someone who is both natural, but also puts proper movement at the forefront of the journey, not the tail end.  I am eagerly awaiting some dvd's of Hempfling, Rashid, Royal, wrangler Jayne and Branneman.  I think some of my questions will be answered in some of these other avenues.  The Parelli levels are about the human, and technically I have already learned the material, I am just trying to get to a place where my horses and I can do it in harmony again.  I think one of my issues, may be that because I have learned it, but am persistent in trying to re-create it, it is not doing what is best for the horse, as the levels are designed for the HUMANS learning.  So now that I have an issue with my HORSE, I need to get out of the foundation classroom and step into the horseman's classroom.

Interestingly, a university has many teachers in many subjects.  You gain the broadest education, buy being able to see a 'subject' from many perspectives, not just one.  Just as a high level dressage test is judged by 5 judges sitting in 5 different places, that gives each of them a unique perspective.  A fault or an accomplishment can often be seen well from one angle, be glaringly obvious, and yet at the same time, completely go un-noticed from another angle, like a blind spot.  It is easy for faults to go unnoticed if you always ONLY look from the same vantage point.  It is best to get the foundation and move on quickly, to step outside the pretty red-blue-green-black....'boxes" and see what else the world has to offer.  After all, it was the outside world, who filled the 'boxes" to begin with.

The pavement behind me is in the past, I am currently in the bottleneck, there is a fork in the road, and my rest of my life ahead of me.......stay tuned to see which way I turn.

Savvy On
Michelle