Muscle vs Mindfullness

So I watched my lame little video.....looked at the title i gave it...'back in the saddle'......thinking.....but my A$$ has been in the saddle over the last 4ys.....what makes it different this time?  truth be told, I have not done anything 'dressagy' for probably 13ys.  just been starting my rescues and green beans....

during that time i have been doing parelli, be it my intial "this is crap, gonna prove it wont work with dressage" to "i'm gonna be a PP"  to "something is wrong gotta bail".  with the car accident, my inferior skills upon my return, my horse hating me and life in general.....i have been on this journey for the last year n half.....since my whole OLL3 audition debacle.....and have noticed many times I thought i had 'figured it out'.

Many times I have had these BFO's....that in retrospect were only mini bfo's.  but i think i have it now....I think I finally found the missing piece....or maybe just figured out how all the missing pieces i have found in the last year...have finally completed some cosmic kharmic picture.

a picture that shows me the death grip i had on what ever it was i was holding on to so tightly.....that it took something pretty big to get my attention.  Maybe I needed that smack to my leg to force me let go with the last finger i had gripping on for dear life.

so i recently watched Mark Rashids dvd "developing sofness in the rider".....and just as his books have given me deep spiritual revelations, his words are so profound to me and this dvd was no different.

he talked about our minds needing to be like still water in a pond, so the landscape around it can be mirrored perfectly in the water.....and if you throw stones in the water....the ripples distort the picture.  and just as in life....chaos in your mind distorts your perceptions of people places and things around you.  or something like that....

so my friend and i have been talking about his muscle vs mindfulness concepts nearly every day for the last week about nearly every aspect of our lives.....and then.....I rode.

so here i sit, watching my little lame dressage video....and it hit me....for the first time in 13ys....i saw a glimpse of ME....and realized i have not seen her in a long time.  i saw the soft me, the mindful me, the peaceful me, the get in harmony and help my horse move right me, the dressage me that i never thought i would see again....

unfortunately i saw the FAT me too....but....i guess you cant have your cake and eat it too.....oh wait...that's how i GOT fat.....so i take that back....i guess you can have your cake and your husbands cake and your kids cake...and eat them all in one sitting while crying in your cereal :roll:

i noticed in this last ride, all the fear, judgement, assumptions, ridicule, self loathing, hatred, pain, and worst of all the ANGER....were gone.  i was at peace with myself, and my horse and i danced.  sure it wasn't perfect....not even by a million to one long shot.....but it was ME and i liked what i saw

it wasn't the me that everyone else told me i had to be, the me that everyone expected me to be, the me I thought everyone else wanted me to be.....I was

ME.....and I was pretty dam OK with it.  I cleared the clutter from my head and followed my own set of rules, tuned everything else out.....and listened to my horse.  Instead of 'upping my leadership' and using muscle (not physical rather mental) and i used my intuition and let nature guide me.  i didn't fight muscle with more muscle....I simply redirected the energy using my mindfulness and we danced.

In that lame little dressage video i also saw something else.....HOPE
Hope for the future....that I do have one and it does include dressage....MY dressage......Rose's dressage.....Nature's dressage and

we will dance again. :wink: