I can RIDE again!!!!

Well it has been 6 weeks since my knee injury, and 3 weeks, I think, since my surgery. I have been good, and stayed off my horse, problem is.... It has thrown me mentally back to my post car accident state of mind, and for the last two days I have found myself finding distractions or letting distractions find me.... In efforts to avoid my horse all together. So I laid in bed this morning, and decided I would be proactive from the second I got my undies on. Instead of following those w sweat pants.... I put my breeches on.... One less thing to "avoid" to help me "avoid" the thing I am obviously subconsciously "avoiding". That was step one. Step two was to claim it to all of you to help hold myself accountable to my promise. Now I just have to wait for them to finish eating. Step 3 will be to let the horses loose in the yard so they will be in my face, then all I will have to do is make the long journey in my mind to actually do this. 

the whole 'move closer stay longer' is the only thing that got me off the couch years ago....but mine is an uncommon and completely irrational fear, though just as debilitating as rational fears. i suffer from a fear of failure. I myself think it is the most ridiculous thing ever, which is what made it so hard to 'diagnose'....'come to grips with' and 'get over' the first time around. the whole process took almost a year, and included every horse i could get my hands on....other than my L4 horse. I had to travel WAY outside parelli to get the answers to having a relationship again with my wonderful rose....yet we still have some issues we are overcoming. So, I knew even with my knee and worries about that.....it wasn't about that at all. I needed to just do it, or I was headed for a serious downward tailspin that would be devastatingly hard to get out of. for pete sakes, I was JUST starting ride again (riding for a whopping whole 2 months) after 3ys off from my car accident, taking care of my mother, getting over this fear of failure thing, yada yada...... I REALLY could not let this current injury put me back there.....nope, not again....ever again. 

So THERE.... I said it..... Now I am going to do it!..........
..................


7 or so hours later.......


.......... I did it!  ............ 

Good news....riding didn't hurt. was able to get on from trailer tirewell on right side, and dismount from left side. It was horribly painful to put my sock on,  close enough to impossible to never want to try that again myself....and putting my boot on was slightly better.  

today was day one of playing with true contact, and playing with lateral work. We had several really good shoulder in's and some really nice turns on the fq/hq's, got some ok leg yeilds, and one or two sufficient haunches in. All this based soley on it being day one....nothing I would ever want it to look like after we have really spent some time playing with it. then i took out the camera....and true to my past....  it went to hell in a handbasket in no time flat  But.....I came away with re-affirming a querry of mine.....that of which i will no longer be riding with the fluidity reins. it gave me false sense of contact and weight in my hands and thus my timing was off a bit, and it was making my releases to abrupt....for me... and was making it harder to help rose in the way that I want things to be. but that was not to bad....our worst problem was her not listening to my injured leg very well, if she decided to at all. CS to the rescue....ended on a great note of being very light to the leg....  

the best news of all.....my fear of the whole bucking thing(my pre car accident fears)......is 100% gone....I didn't have ANY anxiety during the whole tacking up process....and didn't have to go thru my normal pre ride ritual of cigarettes and breathing exercises....woo hooo     lets see here.....I got that fear with Jueli the bucking rescue.....that was .....hmmm.....GOOD LORD......7-8 YEARS ago......and it is FINALLY gone! whew! Really over shadows how ENORMOUS I look in the pics....ugh!


Yeah Me!


Savvy On
Michelle