Discouraged...but still hopefull

So I rode Snookie last night to asses where she is and what it will take to tape FSL3. Turns out a lot. Not training wise, but conditioning wise. In fact, I am not even sure she could do it. She is an old lady, and it is starting to show. Despite the fact that she lives on a hill, she is in no shape for something like this. At least not now. It is only a little set back in my fear of failure journey, but a big one in my levels journey. It leaves me with one of only two choices. Both of which will probably take the same amount of time, but only one of them could potentially get me killed. I can either start Snookie again on hill therapy and dig out her hoof boots, or I can suck it up and get over my fear of Rose bucking in the canter. Something I am not willing to tackle at home on my rock hard ground. Regardless, both horses need an arena for one reason or another. That =’s $$$$$$.
Of these compulsories, I have checked what should be relatively easy to do with each horse. Anything not marked means they will take time to accomplish.

Compulsories:
_x__Mounting
_x__Open Gate
___Simple Change
___Canter-Stop
N/R_Flying Change (L4)

Obstacles: (Choose 3)
____Small jump
__x_Cones
_x__Ball
_x__Tarp
_x__Pedestal

Gaits:
_x__Walk
_x__Stand Still
__x_Trot
____Canter
__x_Back up

Patterns:
_x__Follow the Rail
or clover leaf
_x__Question Box
_x__Corners


When I look at it this way….it doesn’t look so bad. I just wish I could describe how Snookie FELT while riding her. It breaks my heart that my dear friend has had the youth suck out of her. She was a magnificent spirit in her day. And now an old soul. She is a wise old lady, but still nutty as a mouse in a snake house.
I used to make excuses when I first moved up here about my 5acre ranch. I had no arena, and no relatively flat area. Took years to get a good round pen, then I made excuses about how small that was. I would now give anything to have that place back. To have my round pen back. I would give anything to have the last 2 yrs of my life back without the accident. But I can’t, so I guess there is not use crying over lost time. I vowed that with this property, I would not make excuses for it, and would make the best of it no matter what. So one of the things I am thinking is that I can ride in their pasture on the hill instead of the flat front yard. Seems a little backward, but my thought is that maybe if Rose is cantering up a hill, she wont buck. Would require some big rock removal though to create a track. And clearly get all issues resolved on the ground. I am thinking that I also need to start putting my pennies together to make a playpen, so I can work on liberty stuff. I think I am going to survey the land tonight with a measuring string and see what I really have to work with. No matter what, I have to deal with the horse that shows up. I am going to have to start from where we are now, not where we once were. I guess I am just going to have to focus on both of them and see who gets there first. Now all I need is a plan. How to get from here to there? One is a communication/fear issue, the other is an age/conditioning issue. Last night I was quite a bit upset about this. Thinking of horrible things….like the day I will have to put Snookie to rest and then of all the wonderful memories we have made together….what a tear jerker moment I was having. Jeesh….she ain’t dead yet. Today I feel better though. Have you ever noticed that the best solution to our problems is usually staring you in the face, and you are too blind to see it. And once you do….you feel sooooooo stupid that you didn’t think of it sooner? I have such a fierce grip on the past that the future, and quite honestly the present too, is invisible to me. I cannot move forward, if I can’t let go. Oh crud, her come the tears again. I just need to take the time it takes……so it will take less time. I don’t know, maybe this is more of the fog lifting. A Crisper clarity of mind. But HELLO….Follow the dang program….IDIOT! I may have to brush up on L1….cringe…but if that is where we are, even if it isn’t….it is not a bad idea. DO the PATTERNS. Rather than aimlessly stabbing in the dark. Follow a plan, and start at the beginning. Hmmm How interesting?
Big sad sighs. I think I need to re-evaluate my goal of L4 by my birthday, and hope I can manage at least L3 by then. More sighs and a couple more tears.
Savvy on
Michelle