I was just some dumb kid when we met, and she was a crazy lunatic laid up with a track injury. But she was so beautiful I could not take my eyes off of her. I have never seen another chestnut with the striking flaming copper color she used to be. It never occurred to me that I really knew little about horses and was about to strap my self to a nuclear rocket. My momma always said...."stupid is as stupid does". I muddled thru allot of hard times over the years to be able to keep her, to be able to understand her, to be able to heal her many injuries, and to wait out the long year to know if she would survive the founder than ended our dressage career.
We have had some wild and wacky adventures and still managed to become so in tune with each other, that at times I lost my self in her movement and could no longer differentiate between my body and hers. It was always so spiritual that it seemed like a dream. The harmony of our thoughts was amazing and mostly we did not need to 'speak' as we knew what the other was thinking. I will never 'know' a horse like I know her. I can predict her behavior with life saving accuracy.
She was a city girl through and through and honestly detested anything 'country'. Her fear of cows, pigs, sheep, deer and turkeys is unrivaled. As the quintessential Extreme RBE with a spirit fuse a mile long....often it would take her days to come off an adrenaline high, all for something as trivial as a perceived boogy man hiding behind the garbage can. She knew where it belonged and if it moved so much as an inch, it must be him, there to ambush her while she was not looking, so she was ever so vigilant to keep her eyes peeled on high alert at ALL times. She knew the exact location of every others boarders brush box, tack trunk and other barn trinkets, and was most proud of herself to alert me all to the changes that go on at night in the barn after we humans leave. Which made boarding in a 40 stall barn a bit of panic palooza for her everyday. Imagine the joy ride I got when a tack closet large enough to be a horse casket arrived. She was convinced it was for her, and I didn't see that end of the arena for months!
Despite owning the 'craziest' horse on the planet, she was gentler than a kitten where children were concerned. She babysat all my friends and their kids, and we would have to nearly beat her to get her to jog if they were aboard. If they were leading her, she would always put her head down low, so she could see them well and take special care not to step on them. So it was always amazing to me, her hatred for men. Whom if standing too close, she would conveniently not see them while looking away, and step right on their foot. Pretending to be completely unaware of the screaming and shoving, she would shift all her weight to that food and grind it in as hard as she could. As I would approach she always had the 'who me?' look as I removed yet another soon to be ex-boyfriend from underneath her. After my first date with my husband, I told him if he wanted to see me again, it would have to be at the barn. He complied, and as we walked with Snookie thru the vineyard holding hands, I told him, in no uncertain terms, would any man ever come between her and I. 18ys later he knows I was not speaking lightly. And even though he affectionately calls her 'the old bitch bit me again'....he has nearly killed himself on many occasions building her the fences and barns.
Snookie has a way of creeping into your heart by running it over at a dead gallop. You can't help but fall in love with her sweet and gentle ways....Even though every one knows she may trample you if she thinks her life depends on it. It is her belief that it is every man, dog and horse for them selves....and she takes care of SNOOKIE. She would spook at everything and it was your job to figure out how to stay on if you wanted not to walk back home on your own two feet. Should you fail in that task, no worries, she would be patiently waiting for you back at home....wondering what took you so long. One time I fell off and woke up an hour later with her hovering over me....."Pansy....what part of hold on don't you understand?"....guess I took too long.
We already had an amazing relationship when I set out to prove some fellow boarders wrong that natural horsemanship was crap. To watch me torture her thru the first year, knowing I was an accomplished horse woman already, must have been a comedy for my neighbors. Snookie was none too happy with the carrot stick and me being 'persistent'. Finally one day she gave me the 'look'......"Get better fast or die"....she was pretty serious about that too. That is when I was introduced to Parelli, and much to her relief my savvy grew quickly and she didn't have to kill me. This will sound weird, but I could have passed level 3 (old green levels) about 2ys into it, had I used Snookie, but at the time, I felt it would be cheating. Don't think I haven't kicked my self in the ass everyday of the last 8ys that I didn't do it with her when I had the chance. We already rode bridle less before I started NH, and had the finesse as we were well into 3rd level dressage when she foundered...and my dreams came to a screeching halt. Thankfully she was here to help me get started on a new dream though, and it has been just as wondrous a journey because she was always there by my side.
In her final years, she has been an excellent herd leader, and has been teaching Rose the tricks of the trade. She will be passing the torch to Rose tomorrow, and if she is half the horse Snookie was, she will make a fine leader.
She has taught me about unconditional love and acceptance, not only of others but of myself as well. She has held that mirror up to my face countless times, and showed me the truest parts of myself, whether or not I wanted to see it. She was honest, and never lied. If I didn't do it right, she would tell me right then and there. More often than not I ate dirt as a part of my 'lesson'. But thankfully, she was unconditionally forgiving of my shortcomings and mistakes, and never once held a grudge. She lived life in the moment, and never took advantage of my lack of knowledge.
I think back to my youth, in my bedroom in town, drifting off to sleep dreaming of horses. horse pictures all over my walls, doodles of horses on all my school books. hoping that someday, i could have a horse of my own. when driving with my mom through the hillside, I would imagine I was riding a horse in the field we were driving by, cantering and jumping all the fences. i would and still do, get whiplash if I actually ever see a horse. My friend and I would be playing like we were horses at recess on the playgound, while other girls were already worrying about what to wear. I wish I could speak to that little girl and let her know, don't worry, someday your dreams will come true. someday you will have the horse of your dreams. someday you will have more horses than you know what to do with. you wont go to the olympics like you will later dream of doing, but this dream that you dream tonight, WILL come true. you will have amazing relationships with horses, achieve things you will never dream possible, and meet so many friends along the way, you wont know what to do with yourself. so close your eyes and go to sleep.....otherwise someday may never come.
Good bye my friend
We have reached the end of the trail
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Rest in peace Snookie. Be at peace with your decision Michelle. Hugs xxx
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